million dollar listings

There is a show on Bravo about a real estate agent who is the BIGGEST premadonna in the world. I thought this was the craziest train wreck show for a long time. Until I watched 'Million Dollar Listing". WHAT THE FUCK? HO-LEE CRAP. This is something else.

First of all, the guys on this show are GAYEEEEE. No matter what they say about their "girlfriends", they are all homos. And that is a great thing, don't get me wrong, but watching these ladies go about their business is totally hysterical, especially when they fight amongst themselves.

I might be the last person on earth to watch this show, but tonight is the season finale and I, for one, am very excited to see which drama girl gets her ass kicked by the market.

penis slide

I don't know what is stranger - the audio or the video.

moving my blog!

Hola!

Currently I host my blog at my house. While convenient, if a hurricane strikes my blog will be down and you will be disappointed. We don't want that, do we??

In the coming days I will be moving my blog - the name will stay the same: www.marksnews.com and hopefully you shouldn't notice any changes, but if you try and access my blog and are unable to get to the site, it means that it is the process of moving and will be back up shortly, so keep trying!

how we are affected by the economy

more kathy griffin

geting out of the parking garage sucked

kathy grifin!

I'll post more later (after I sleep), but here is a sneak peek at our time with Kathy Griffin tonight. We had awesome seats! Thanks Jerry Seinfeld.

my sister's keeper

I just finished the chick-lit (thanks for the classification, Pianca!) My Sister's Keeper. I am a huge fan of Jodi Picoult. My mother first introduced her to me with her book about the Amish. It was a great book. It was called Plain Truth. Since then I have read a number of her books. I have never been disappointed.

Without giving away the story if you haven't read the book, all I will say is, wow. This book makes you think. It talks about major ethical issues and definitely forces you to consider both sides of the issue (again, I won't get into it).

I wish I could quit my job and read books all the time. They are so great.

The next book in my queue is Ask Again Later. More chick-lit. Ah, joyous.

you hit our bush???

Recently we had a knock at our door. A guy said that he had hit our bush while he was driving to get his premature daughter oxygen. Wait, WHAT??

First, a little history on "the bush"...it is impossible to kill these bushes. They sit at the end of our driveway. The bushes, hibiscus, are immune to everything. They get so big that we cut them back to the point that we think they are going to die, but they come right back, even bigger than before. It is amazing. These things are indestructible.

So...the guy. I answered the door and he was all flustered. He told me that he and his wife had recently moved into the neighborhood and the had a premature daughter. He was out buying oxygen for the daughter and he hit our bushes. I was all like whatever, it's just a bush (I mean, with a premature daughter who needs oxygen, this is minor). He said he wanted to leave his name and I was all like whatever, it's a bush (I looked at the bush from the door, it was still standing, so what kind of damage could be done?).

After he left I went outside to check out the bush. Boy, he really did hit it. I don't know what happened but he must have crossed the road and slammed our bush. It wasn't too badly damaged, these things will grow back in no time, but God damn, he slammed our bush. There were leaves everywhere.

Whatever, it is so minor in the course of things. Good luck with your kid. Our bush is not a big deal. Know what I mean???

pure genius!

John McCain, GENIUS! And I'm not even a republican. Picking a woman as your VP is pure smarts. So, think of this: either we are going to have a black president or we are going to have a woman VP. We can't lose. It's like Geraldine Ferraro and Reverend Jesse Jackson rolled into one.

Well, we can lose, and you know that McCain is a million years old and yadda, yadda, yadda, but either way, we make history with this election, so I say BRING IT ON.

I miss Hillary.

This is going to be interesting.

home sick

I am home sick today. There are two movies I would love to see: Terms of Endearment and Van Wilder. Pretty different, huh? I am going to search throught the OnDemand movies and seee what I can come up with.

life is coconuts

the hurricaine...that wasn't

Fay, Fay, go away...and she did.

Our first "hurricane" as Florida residents was kind of a non event. We bought our supplies, gassed up the car, went to the ATM, all the things that we were supposed to do, but Fay wasn't interested in us. That's a good thing, don't get me wrong, but I feel like we over prepared. Well, not really - I don't wish destruction on anyone, but boy, it was a lot of work to prepare for this. After the supplies gathering, we had to get our house ready and bring in all the crap from outside and store it in our den, which now looks like Kosovo. The only good thing is that we are going to take this opportunity to clean our outside area since it is free of stuff. A good old power-wash never does any harm, right?

We lost power for a bit during the storm but we have most things on battery backup, so there wasn't too much interruption for Steven (who worked from home the day of the storm).

Hopefully we have seen the last of hurricanes for a while, but if another one does rear their ugly head we are ready with lots and lots (did I mention a lot?) of batteries, water and canned goods. We're going to be eating green beans for a while this fall, I anticipate.

for some reason this makes me laugh

douche

I received a fun gadget for my birthday. It is a device that you speak your grocery list into and it spits out a list. Very handy, yes, but you need to speak clearly or else you get some random item that you probably don't need.

Here is Steven and I trying to add "bleach" to the list...but we got douche. We don't even need a douche but it is now on our list. We are going to have really clean assholes.

kenny rogers

Let's take a moment to give props to Kenny Rogers. His voice really kicks ass. You know you can't deny this...even if he has had more work done that Joan Rivers...

I know I keep searching even after today...so there is it girl...we've got it all now..and here we are babe...what do you say? We've got tonight. Who needs tomorrow? We've got tonight babe, why don't we stay?

Ahh, words of wisdom from Kenny Rogers.

damn, those drinks were expensive!

I just got my credit card bill. Remember when I posted about how expensive the drinks at the George Michael concert were? Check this out...

(click to triplify)

I wonder if it was an honest mistake or if someone would hope I didn't notice.

heat lightning

Check out this video of some cool heat lightning (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heat_lightning) I took recently. I wish I had a picture of myself while I watched this. I was so goofy looking - and definitely in awe.

our baby would be so fucked up

And this just proves it...

Click to triplify.

cloned doggies?

This article in CNN is quite interesting. Cloned doggies? I have mixed feelings, but I think I would clone Millie if I could. She is such a great dog. I wonder how these clones are going to make out. The woman's original dog died of cancer - are the clones going to meet the same fate?

http://www.cnn.com/2008/TECH/science/08/05/clone.dog.ap/index.html

knight stand

LOL! I don't even know what I would do with a knight stand.

http://fortmyers.craigslist.org/fur/780154941.html

an open letter to george michael

Dear George Michael,

First, I want to thank you for an outstanding show last night in Fort Lauderdale. You really hit a home run with us and I hope you could tell by our screaming and clapping. However, I have a small bone to pick with you.

We paid $127 each for our tickets to your show. I don't know who designed the seating at the stadium, but if I am going to pay $127 to see a concert, I don't want to be arm-to-arm with the person next to me. Yes, I know I am fat. I get all that, but still, these seats were way too close. Poor Steven couldn't even sit down properly because the seat in front of him was jamming into his knees. Luckily we were standing up most of the time grooving to your sweet sounds. I know you didn't design the stadium, but you do set your ticket prices. Our friends across the stadium who paid less for their tickets had lovely seats. Midway through the show we left our seats and joined them, where we were quite comfortable.

Anyway, another gripe I have is that you wrote on your tickets "No opening act, show starts promptly at 8pm". Well, we all showed up promptly at 8pm, but you didn't start singing your cute little heart out until 9pm, a whole hour later. In the meantime we all sat in our mini seats and sweat our faces off. I know you were sick and I appreciate you performing for us, but why did you specifically want us there at 8 when you didn't come on until 9?

I don't want to sound all down, because, George Michael, I really had a great time. You sang most of my favorite songs and your set was out of this world. You are still cute and you can still sing very well, that's what really counts.

My final question for you, George Micheal - do you get a cut of the concession proceeds? Steven and I each had a cocktail and the total for the two drinks (with tip) was thirty six dollars. Yes, that's right. So much, in fact, that I had to use a credit card. Now what is up with that? Next time I am going to bring a flask.

I do have to forgive you, though, because you sang Careless Whisper. That just makes my heart melt, George Michael.

Yours Forever,
Mark

we're back!

Phew, we're back from our week long trip to Massachusetts. We had an amazing time. On Friday the 25th we arrived in Boston and had lunch with Kristin and Dan who are expecting their first child in October. Then we took the train and a bus and saw our friend Val's new cottage by the ocean in Quincy. It was really cool. Next we headed to Hyde Park and spent a lovely evening with Stephanie and Andreas at their home, where we were introduced to Guitar Hero, our favorite new Wii game.

On Saturday my stepfather picked us up and brought us to the Cape. That night we met Kerry O and her brother Mark (who was suffering an injury he received while performing an improv sit), as well as our friend Kelly B. We went to the Town Tavern in Falmouth, which is quite a site. We had a lot of fun with that weekend and on Monday we drove to Provincetown to spend the night with our friend Dell who lives in Fort Lauderdale but has taken a place in Ptown for the summer.

Tuesday we drove back to Sandwich and spent the rest of the week seeing friends and having a lot of cookouts. On Thursday we went to see our good friend Heather and her two adorable children. After that we met our friend Kelly for lunch before venturing back to Sandwich for another cookout.

Sadly, Friday came too fast and it was time to board a plane back to reality. We need a vacation from our vacation!

Thanks to all who made time to see us while we were visiting. We are going to try an sneak back to Massachusetts this fall, but I have a sneaking suspicion that it won't happen due to work commitments, so please consider coming to sunny Florida to visit us. We miss our friends from the north terribly and would love to see you all in our neck of the woods!

greetings from provincetown

Hello from Ptown! We have been on the cape for a few days after visiting with your good friends A & S in Boston. I had a fun birthday on Saturday and today we made our way down to the tip of the cape to visit our friend Dell. On Wednesday we are going to see our good friend H and then Friday we head back to Fort Lauderdale. My how the time flies!

I will try to post more as time permits, but we have a full schedule while we are here, so if I don't write, have a great week and I will be back in full force next week!

-Mark

post 495

Only 5 more posts until my 500th post. What should I post? 500 is a big number, I want to make it special!

I will be away on vacation for a week and while I may post if there is time, I might not. So, keep checking back!

nutso dream

I had a crazy dream last night. Dreams amaze me because it makes me wonder what the hell our brains are doing at night and how do we come up with this weirdo shit?

Last night I dreamed that I was standing outside of a jail and I was waiting for Charles Manson. Yes, CHARLES MANSON. But he wasn't the creepy looking guy we have seen pictures of. He was young and cute. For some reason the wardens let him out periodically to take a ride around the block with some people (I don't know who they were, but they drove an old Ford Escort station wagon). On the way out of jail I grabbed Charlie and asked him if he would like to take a walk in the woods. He said that it would be OK since no one would miss him for a few minutes. Then we walked into the woods. How strange is that?

I think this might be related to a new website that I have been reading. It is called Find A Death dot com (www.findadeath.com). My friend David has been fascinated by it and I checked it out and read about the Sharon Tate murders.

Dreams are so interesting.

Going to Boston!

I am so excited. On Friday we leave for Massachusetts for a visit. I haven't been back home since last year and I don't ever want so much time to pass without visiting. Sadly, I think this will be the last time I will be able to visit this year so I am going to make sure we make it extra special.

We are going to be there for a week and I have tried hard to make sure we see as many of our family and friends as possible. Pretty much the whole time we are there will be filled with visits. I don't usually have such a rigid schedule for us when we travel but this time is pretty intense. Sadly, we won't be able to see everyone due to the short time we are there, but I hope we will be able to make the most of it. Plus, the weather up there is quite pleasant this time of year. It will be nice to leave the 90+ degrees of south Florida for a bit!

RIP Sophia Petrillo

Goodbye Spohia.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/SHOWBIZ/TV/07/22/estelle.getty.obit/index.html

Mama Mia!

While the rest of the world was seeing The Dark Knight, a group of us went on Saturday night to see Mama Mia! It was very cute. All the singing and dancing was great and Meryl Streep gives an outstanding performance as the mother.

The people in the theater literally laughed when Pierce Bronson sang. He is a great actor, but can't sing for shit.

Once you've seen The Dark Knight, head on over for some light-hearted fun with Mama Mia! You'll be surprised just how many Abba songs you really know.

we built this city

I fucking love this song. It's timeless. It just makes me happy.

a thousand splendid suns

I read The Kite Runner a couple of years ago and I loved it, as everyone did. But since then I haven't read the other book, A Thousand Splendid Suns. Until now.

It's official: I am out of books. I have read every book in our house. Except one. For some reason, I didn't get excited about A Thousand Splendid Suns. I don't know why. I loved the other book, so why wouldn't I want to start on another great book by the same author? I guess I was worried that it would be heavy. I don't do a lot of heavy books.

Finally, out of books, I picked up A Thousand Splendid Suns. Wow. It is really good. It is different than The Kite Runner, but similar in that I am learning a lot about the Afghan culture. The story is about a woman, where The Kite Runner was about a boy. I really admire the author for his ability to write great stories about both sexes. I feel that authors like Steven King are more effective at writing about their own sexes, although I just contradicted myself, because The Tommyknockers was a great book about a woman (and her period). I digress.

Anyway, if you are in the market for a book, check out A Thousand Splendid Suns. I am right in the middle of it, but so far it is outstanding.

peaches in heavy syrup

Recently, a few of us were talking about our strangest sexual experiences. I guess I must be pretty vanilla because I didn't have any good stories. But my friend Mike had a great one.

He told us that when he was in his 20s he was dating a guy who had a fetish. A food fetish, to be exact. He wanted Mike to throw peaches at him while he sat in the tub. The way it worked, according to Mike, is that he would come over to the guy's house, and lined up along the wall in his living room were cases of Dole Peaches in heavy syrup. Mike would have to open up a bunch of cans of peaches and then go into the bathroom and throw the peaches at the guy as he jerked off in the tub. According to Mike, the guy would climax as he was being pelted with peaches. He wanted Mike to throw them at him very hard. Mike said that this was sometimes a problem as his hands were sore from opening so many cans (he didn't have an electric can opener), so by the time he was done, the bathroom was covered in peaches and Mike was exhausted from the whole ordeal.

What I find so interesting, besides the whole idea, is that the guy had CASES of peaches. He was really into his fetish. I did a search online for food fetishes and apparently this guy isn't the only one who gets off on food play. This Wikipedia article describes some of the common sexual food fetishes. Pork Rind Porn is something that I did not know about until now.

I remember seeing a site that had pictures of people dressed up as food. One in particular had a woman posing as a pig. She was on a skewer, had an apple in her mouth, and was getting ready to be put in the oven. Unfortunately I wasn't able to find it again.

All this food talk is making me hungry.

i kissed a girl and i liked it

My new favorite song, 'I kissed a girl' by Katy Perry.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tAp9BKosZXs

I kissed a girl and I liked it!! Indeed.

again, i say it

Again, I say how much I love this website, dooce.com. Not only do I love her wit, but I love the pictures that she posts of her dogs. Like this one. Priceless. Plus, it's about The Golden Girls, which are my favorite.